I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
