how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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