Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
