Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
