The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
