that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just had sex on a roof
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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