were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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