Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
