Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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