I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
