On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
