did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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