this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
