great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
