Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize