just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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