Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
