Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
