Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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