she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
