FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
