yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
