Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
