Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
