it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
