she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
