I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
