just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
