I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
