Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
