Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
