8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
