look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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