Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
