how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
