out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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