Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
