So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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