I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
