i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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