his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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