yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
