i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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