My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
