When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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