totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
