i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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