I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Is it penis luge time yet?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
