Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
