Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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