Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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