Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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