I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
