Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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