note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
