My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
