apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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