How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
