Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
