the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
