he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
