I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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