I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
