You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
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Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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